Comedy In The Mirror Is Closer Than It Appears

Say What Now?! — Edition 9

Oh, she was hotter than a two dollar pistol She was the fastest thing around. Long and lean, every young man’s dream She turned every head in town. She was built and fun to handle, son. I’m glad that you dropped in She reminds me of the one I loved back then…

For a man, nicknamed as ‘The Possum’, Mr. George Jones, the singer of the above ‘The Corvette Song’ sure knows how to string words together that would never leave you to rummage for insults in your garbage bin.

If you happen to be a lover of cars, you are sure to agree with all the compliments in that beautiful Corvette’s glory. As the song continues, there’s quite a funny surprise that awaits you midway. I’ve been on Team — No Spoilers for a long long time now and am in no mood to break my streak, so go ahead and take a listen. But, not before you read this article, because we about to shift some gears.

So, as my articles go, there has to be one childhood anecdote sprinkled in, and who am I to not oblige? Here goes…

My dad’s side of the family has always been a collective of car fanatics. My youngest uncle has had a penchant for cars since forever, so much so that he actually took a year off to drive tourists around the country , right after he graduated from college.

I’ve been in awe of his leather jacket donning, aviators flaunting lifestyle since I was a one-year-old little cherub. Some of my best memories with him have been spent racing with the wind in our Jeep. What made him my favourite uncle was the fact that he allowed me to drive the car, always!

Once when the whole family set out for a long sojourn to our native land, I decided that I will be Designated Driver #2. Obviously, this decision was made without consulting any adults in the family and I was happier for it. Come nightfall, the Jeep began its serpentine journey through the many winding ghats of interior Maharashtra.

I saw my opportunity and asked my uncle if I could hold the wheel while he drove. Of course, he said yes! Jumping over the barricade of blue leather seats, I wiggled myself on to his lap and held the wheel. A minute later, unable to contain my excitement at driving this car, I left the wheel and banged my fists on the horn. This naturally woke up the whole family and I was snatched away from the driver’s seat, much to my dismay. Obviously, my mother kept everyone awake that night as she continuously lectured both me and my uncle.

However, that experience changed me for life, wind flirting with silvery moonlight, the bright headlights of cars playing hide and seek as we took turns and me, smiling my toothless smile as I wrapped my tiny fists over the wheel.

Fast forward to last night, when I decided that my body needed some mechanical movement. No, not the exercise kind (forever, the extra fries girl, that’s me). I thought that it was time for me to get behind the wheel and learn how to drive. So, my father, my dog and I set out to teach me how to drive. The plan was to drive around the society complex while following the rules (no masks were taken off).

My father explained the basics, which definitely were wiped off the windshield as they flew into one of my ears and out the next. After a long rules and regulations lecture, which sounded more like a stern warning, I was given the chance to sit behind the wheel. And then began a different comedy of errors.

First of all, I tried to start the car, without realising that it was already on, guess my ears stopped working at that opportune moment. Correcting my mistake I pressed the accelerator thinking it was the clutch and the only one bothered by this was my dog, who tried to ask my dad to be let out. Thanks so much for the canine confidence, Casper, see you at breakfast tomorrow!

My dad decided to get out with the dog to allow me to drive the car with my head on my shoulders. I began the whole process once more and tried to adjust the rearview mirror to my right. Probably it was my anxiety or just my mind playing weird tricks, I began to see a woman in white in it. While looking at that imagined apparition, I forgot to even put a foot on the clutch and as the hand brake was off, the car started to slowly move forward.

This made me squeal because I actually thought something paranormal was happening. My father must have guessed my block-headed antics and shouted the directions to pull up the handbrake. Naturally, the next attempt had everyone inside the car, waiting patiently (not really) for me to begin again.

After a while, my mind adjusted to me being silly as I drove around at a snail’s pace. Comfortably satisfied, my father decided to get down with the dog once more and allow me to drive on my own. However, my dog had other things on his mind. After showing off that he could run faster than I could drive, he took it upon himself to teach me how to, as well.

So, while my father opened the shotgun seat to get in, my dog tried to get in thrice and finally succeeded. My dad was laughing so hard, he decided to take a moment and walk-off his hilarious energy. I began to drive again as my dog assumed the position of my instructor. The car had barely gone ahead a few feet when the dog lost its confidence in me (second time in about half an hour!) and decided to whine as if I had turned this four-wheeler into a car of horrors.

By now I was surely done. The image of the lady in white in the rearview mirror was replaced with my dad’s face. We exchanged looks and started laughing at the hilarity that had ensued with me trying to drive the car at night. As I clutched the sides of the steering wheel, I realised that this was the same smile that I had that night, all those years ago too.

Although the car was different, I was different, but the emotion was the same. I’m going down again tonight to relive that emotion and this time around I am definitely ensuring that my dog stays outside the car and learns a lesson or two in canine social distancing.