My Sunday’s Got No Chill, Just Like Me

Say What Now?! — Edition 1

I’m extremely proud of not being a morning person, mainly because I have the insane ability to out-Dracula, the original vampire.

He’s the ripper of the night and me, I’m the sleeper of the day. Obsession for slumber in daylight, anybody?

Despite this, I’m particularly fond of Sunday mornings. That’s because I get to take two naps even before the day progresses into afternoon time.

Here’s how it goes — I wake up at 7.30 am (with one too many grunts) and take my dog for a walk (whose enthusiasm to walk the same route every day, affects me no more). Returning an hour later, I make a beeline for the bed as my mother shoots imaginary fire arrows at my back. I proceed to take one more nap before lunch for good measure (no wonder mother doesn’t put sugar in my coffee anymore). In her defense, if your firstborn starts acting like a panda and Kumbha Karna combined, there’s only so much you can do to stop yourself from giving them two black eyes. But I digress…

Today morning was exactly on schedule, as I got ready to commence Nap#2. That’s when I had an immense craving to eat a Potato Bhajji (Aloo Pakora or Fritter for all you pseudo elites aka SOBO/Extra). Almost drooling, I made it my mission to bite into a crispy, golden brown, fried potato slice.

The crackling sound as the flavourful, spicy batter breaks the surface of boiling oil, is music to my ears. I’m always stunned by the delicious aroma that wafts in the air, ready to flirt with the tanginess of green coriander chutney, which by the way is more than willing (cuz consent).

Don’t you even try to deny that you are aren’t itching for some fried pakoras at the moment!

Of course, sleep became an afterthought as I stumbled into the kitchen to make my demand known. The head chef (aka mother dearest) informed me that nothing of that sort would happen as it was about time I gave some serious thought to a simple, healthy lifestyle.

Wake up. Eat. Make excuses. Sleep. Repeat. Clearly my current lifestyle was not simple enough for the lady of the house.

I’m glad to inform that I fought tooth and nail to emerge vanquished (obviously!). And now, she doesn’t allow butter on my weekend special egg sandwich either.

However, I was able to content myself with a small victory. I continued my streak of refusing to go on a diet. Yes, not that it would come as a surprise to anyone, but dieting and I have a love-hate relationship. I’ve even gone as far as to vow to hate dieting till death do us part, in the past.

No, my beef with dieting is not because it’s a bad lifestyle choice, it’s because of its interpretations. When a person around you announces they’re going on a diet, they’re swiftly labeled as someone — who’s trying to lose weight and by extension may not be happy with themselves.

Impressionable individuals are fed low self-esteem triggers packaged as diet fads. And following in the footsteps of Dracula, they make unhealthy choices for love (read #BodyGoals). Everyone wants to get on the bandwagon to health and flaunt their summer bods for the Gram. But, you do know how the story of Dracula ends right?

I’ve been a believer of the #CountMeOut movement in this regard. (No, there’s no petition on change.org about it, yet.)

As a life long member of the Self Confidence at Rock Bottom Club, I am quite acquainted with the process of denying oneself, only to wolf out, a fortnight later.

My demons could be dieting, but yours could be not being able to trust easily, compromising yourself for others, etc. Just remember to take the advice of Netflix in such regards and chill. Which as you know, I often tend to forget myself.

#MuchHypocriteVeryAlzheimers

Remember that a healthy you will only be possible with a happy you. Let’s all ensure that we only outdo Dracula in terms of staying up at night. and not making wrong choices that lead to our impending doom. Now, you go ponder some more on those thoughts while I go rendezvous with a certain baked potato I’ve set my sights on.

Cue for Netflix & chill (emphasis on chill!)

You’ve just read the first of my weekly columns! If you’re anything like me, I’m sure you’ve got an opinion or two about it. Don’t forget to write to me about your whacky thoughts on this piece, potatoes, diet or just in general.